Essay Feedback

My essay feedback was very helpful. It hit right on the issue that I thought was missing, I just couldnt quite put my finger on what it was. In the feedback it says that this is a great first round essay in that it is very clear and gets my purpose across, and is very informative about the group. What I thought i needed was something more to really kick it into higher gear. Right now it feels kind of on the surface. It seems unclear to the reader that there is a deeper theme that communities should exist to serve, so i need to work on making the essay something more. I need to go more into a deeper theme, such as what makes this group of kids different, and how they really make a difference. Or how the college students enthusiasm and creativeness plays into the greater good of the group. Besides reworking it to include a deeper significance, i think I have a solid essay in persuasiveness and influence on the reader. The feedback is valuable and will help when reworking my essay