Essay Feedback

My essay feedback was very helpful. It hit right on the issue that I thought was missing, I just couldnt quite put my finger on what it was. In the feedback it says that this is a great first round essay in that it is very clear and gets my purpose across, and is very informative about the group. What I thought i needed was something more to really kick it into higher gear. Right now it feels kind of on the surface. It seems unclear to the reader that there is a deeper theme that communities should exist to serve, so i need to work on making the essay something more. I need to go more into a deeper theme, such as what makes this group of kids different, and how they really make a difference. Or how the college students enthusiasm and creativeness plays into the greater good of the group. Besides reworking it to include a deeper significance, i think I have a solid essay in persuasiveness and influence on the reader. The feedback is valuable and will help when reworking my essay

Peer feedback

The response to my essay was very pleasing. It seems (from the response) that I got my purpose across effectively. I was trying to spark an interest in prospective members of my community, Engineers Without Borders. In Rae's response to my paper she said "you did a great job representing the group to prospective members" and "it made me want to go to a meeting to check it out and see what it was all about." I think that this is great because I achieved the effect I desired in the reader. While i got from the response that i got my purpose and audience across , there are areas for imporvement. Rae gave some good suggestions on where to enhance the writing. I could include the idea of "ut prosim" in the paper to tie in how connected EWB is with Virginia Tech. Also I could expand on the idea that EWB helps its own members in alot of different ways. Overall i am very happy with this

Essay Criteria

My groups essay type was an informative essay with the purpose of persuading. We came up with a pretty good list for and essay of this type.

• Write about a relevant topic
• Keep the reader's attention
  
• State facts and citations to support his ideas/argument
• Express trustworthiness, sincerity, and reliability to the reader
  
• Write an essay that possesses clarity in persuasiveness and informativeness
  
• Write a story that the audience would be able to relate to
  
• Includes readers on the process of discovery that led him to write on the topic
• Always be thorough
• Efficiently do something with the text

According to the authors, an essay is far to broad to set specific standards on or be defined. Both authors attempt to depict what an essay is by example, or listing off types of writing that could be included under the heading essay. Such works include reviews, newspaper entries, and scientific papers. From the authors I got that the essay should get a point across to the reader....that it should have something to prove or show. The essay needs to take the reader along and reveal something to them, whether objectively or through a shared personal experience. I think that a good essay can't be based on set standards. Rather, the type of essay should be considered when determining whether or not it is good. A good objective essay is informative, includes specifics, is concise and does not include too much "fluff". A good personal essay is well...personal, emotional, vivid, and captivating. All essays should inform.
For my essay to be "good" I think I need to include more details to grab the readers attention. I need to spice it up and make the details and sentences really jump off the page. I think this means I am going to have to add more emotional diction to my paragraphs to achieve my purpose of "sparking an interest in prospective members".

Response to Proposal feedback

I just received my research proposal and was surprisingly pleased with it. One of the bigger things that I did not notice is that I never once used the word "I" in research that I was proposing. In some areas I can see how this would make the wording more awkward and not as smooth. The biggest section I should do that in is my research plan....it is kind of hard to say what I am going to do without the word "I". This will help it flow much more smoothly. It seems from the comments that I was able to get my main idea across well and the purpose for the research. Most of the problems tend to be in the flow of the sections. Another MAIN issue that I need to fix is the fact that I never state what exactly will be the product of my research. I will have to include a new section containing what my research will be used on.......but I am pretty pleased overall

audience and purpose

I sat in the library for a good forty minutes while waiting on my group for an engineering project to arrive. I decided to take this time to come up with my purpose and audience. As soon as I even began to think.....I hit a mental road block. Every purpose I came up with seemed too vague, too generic, or just not good. So I decided to think about and audience first and then maybe the purpose would be easier to think about if I had someone to write to. My audience is people interested in joining Engineers Without Borders. So the purpose maybe, I thought, should be informing them about the community.....but that is too broad. So more specifically I chose to highlight and show how Engineers Without Borders exists as a service based community. My purpose is to persuade people to become involved by demonstrating how EWB serves both others and its members. Hopefully I can run with this idea, but it may get tweaked along the way.

research proposal

So now that I have "finished" my paper, I have been able to look back and see what I have learned about writing a research proposal. Three key points I have learned are:

1. Identify a clear purpose which will agree with what your audience wants.

2. Include sections that will clearly define your research.

3. Be persuasive...and prove that your research is necessary.

Hopefully I have done this with my paper, but know that I probably still have work to do.